Wednesday, May 10, 2006

Menu for Child Abuse

My adopted state of Minnesota prides itself on being ranked as the #1 healthiest state in the country nearly annually so this recent story really caught my attention since the people involved are natives of St. Paul, Minnesota. Coincidentally, across the river Mayor Rybak of Minneapolis was recently named one of "fittest mayors in the USA" (

The story I am talking about is a 4 year old girl who recently appeared on the "Maury Povich" TV show -- no I did not watch the show but read about it while reading a newspaper on an EXERCISE bike. Briana Gayden is a 120 pound, 4 year old --- by contrast I am a male who weighed 135 pounds when I was 15 years old. Briana appeared on the show because he aunt wants Briana's mother -- Daisy Gayden -- to take Briana's obesity seriously by managing what she eats but Daisy simply replied, "mind your own business".

To put this form of child abuse (freedom without common sense and a moral foundation simply leads us to other forms of slavery in my book) in proper context I have re-typed Briana's daily diet according to the Maury show:

10 am -- Briana wakes up and eats: leftovers including ribs, macaroni and cheese, and one pizza

11 am -- Briana eats "breakfast": 2 bowls of sugary cereal, 2 sausages, and 3 eggs

1 pm -- Briana has lunch: bowl of noodles and 6 cookies

3 pm -- Briana has a "snack": cheeseburgers (quantity not listed), french fries, and ice cream

4 pm -- Briana has "dunch" (my word) : large bowl of potato chips

6 pm -- Briana has dinner: 4 pieces of chicken (probably not skinless!!) with macaroni and cheese

7 pm -- Briana has "dessert": big bowl of ice cream

Late night -- if Briana wakes up "hungry" (my emphasis) she gets to eat a pizza

After typing this roster of daily feeding I have a small stomach ache but thankfully we have health care reform on the way such as the State of Massachusetts which now REQUIRES every resident to have health insurance via a system of tax incentives and penalties. Now I am not a heartless bastard that wants the government's social services storm troopers to take Briana away from Daisy but perhaps I can stir some peer pressure for the people around Daisy (no Twiggy herself) and Brianna to host an "intervention" like we do for drug addicts and alcoholics to have Briana go "clean and sober" from her diet that will surely send her to an early grave.

Having reflected on this issue I now wish I had seen the Maury show so I could have heard if Daisy's family is on food stamps -- if they are in this program it is clearly time for Congress to reform this system.

Bon appetit,


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